A Wife’s Secret to Happiness

Image Credit: Chellbee and Melvin Pigee

I spent the past 25 years of my life dreaming of the day I would complete graduate school, climb up the corporate ladder, and be the first of a small few women of color Chief Executive Officers for a healthcare organization. Beware if anyone said different I was ready to go to war with my laptop and sword (which is a metaphor for my smart mouth). Dreaming will do that to you.

When you become attached to this life you have imagined instead of the reality you are living in you get tunnel vision. If you have ever been in a tunnel you know your vision is limited. Tunnels are dark and often times you can barley see what is in front of you.

My Story

I was so use to being single that when I met my husband I didn’t understand what it meant to share your dreams. We discussed the things we wanted for our future. But I was still seeing our dreams as mine and his. Not our dreams.

It took a long time for me to understand his dreams are my dreams and my dreams  are his dreams. Our dreams have to be what is best for our family. Otherwise we will never have any peace in our home.

We will constantly be raging war on another protecting our dreams at all cost. Assuming the other is against us or trying to keep us from being happy. What I learned the hard way is there is no happiness for me if we aren’t together and our home is at peace.

The Takeaway

As a society of dreamers we tend to be pretty attached to our dreams. So much so that we will rage war on anyone that questions, challenges, or speaks negatively about our dreams. We spend our time fantasizing about how our life would be when and if our dreams came to fruition. So much so we fail to realize the very things that are in front of our eyes.


How it Applies to our Life?

  • Don’t get me wrong dreams are great but only when used properly. You can’t allow yourself to dream so much that you neglect those that you care about especially your spouse.
  • Dreams are meant to be shared. There are very few dreams of mine that are inclusive to only me. How lonely would that be, to have everything you thought you wanted and no one to share it with. 
  • Your dream is meaningless without God. I can’t tell you how many times I tried to go at it alone. Telling God, don’t worry I got this just to turn around and fall on my face. Now I surrender all my dreams to God. I pray that whatever his will is over my life that it be done. I trust that anything he has in store for me will be greater than anything I could ever imagine.

What we can learn about being a Wife

  • You and your husband need to dream together. Both of you need to lead the charge on each others dreams.
  • As a wife surrender to your husbands leadership. You very well may not agree with the path that he has chosen for your family but you need to support him anyways.
  • Most important pray. Pray that God has his will and ask for his guidance. In times of strife give your burdens to God.  
  • Never be spiteful or passive. Just because you and your husband don’t agree on the best path for your family that doesn’t give you permission to be passive or sabotage your spouse. 
  • Chose to be a wife of excellence. Even when things don’t seem to be going your way. 

Read Along- My Favorite Tools

In your marriage, how have you overcome going from I to Us? 


8 thoughts on “A Wife’s Secret to Happiness

  1. KiYada

    I've only been married for 7 months now and this was a huge challenge at the beggining. I didn't realize how over our time spand of being together that somethings had changed as we grew into ourselves outside of our relationship and once married i still had a single mindframe and a very selfish one at that. I'm still working on it but glad that I am aware of it.

  2. Deepa

    Agree..Happiness is being together and dreaming together. A couple can be happy if they support each other and hold each other's hand in all ups and downs.

  3. Chandresh

    Happiness – I remeber watching " Pursuit of Happiness " Multiple time and the way it defines those little moment of joy .. Your post rightly describe how a couple can aspire to achieve the same

  4. Jen

    Thank you for sharing from your experiences! I love the insight you share from your life, "What I learned the hard way is there is no happiness for me if we aren't together and our home is at peace." I've learned this the hard way too, and I'm always excited when new wives can learn this earlier (and less painfully) than I did! 🙂

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