Nothing saddens me more than to hear a woman say, “I might as well stay with him (or her) because I don’t want to start over. What I actually hear you saying (and you all can agree or disagree with me) is: “I am going to stay with him/her because I am scared of being alone.” I feel like I have had this same conversation with different people at least 20 times. I am so tired of having this conversation (but I still had to write about it because of course, I can’t let it go!).
I just wish I could record it and replay it so that you can hear how stupid that sounds (real friend talk). Now don’t get me wrong if you truly love the person and can’t imagine your life without them because every day being in their presence makes you the happiest you have ever been: If being with that person brings out the best in you and help you to find your true self; Then Boo, hold on tightly to that because that is true love and worth going to war for (for real, for real)! But if that person is just a space holder, time filler, Mr. or Mrs. Right Now please acknowledge that and move on. I am only saying this because I truly understand and have done the same thing, and I just want you to do better than I did.
I can recall a time in undergrad when I was dating this guy who cheated on me several times. But instead of breaking up with him I stayed. My rationale was, “if he doesn’t want to be with me then he can break up with me.” My Mom rarely chimes in on my love life, but when I made this foolish statement her response was simple and memorable. “If you don’t want to be with him, why do you need to wait on him to break up with you? What sense does that make, Chelly?” I had no answer and of course being young and dumb I didn’t really want to think too hard about it, but what she said definitely stayed with me. The truth of the matter was I was afraid of what not being with him meant. At that point, not being with him meant I was unwanted. Not being with him meant I was alone. Being alone meant I was ugly. (Please reread that and hear how stupid that sounds!)
After several years of dating and long periods of being single, please believe me when I say being alone means just that, you are single and free to be you. Being single is amazing, it is the time where you can be who you want to be, go where you want to go, and do what you want to do.
Grab a Book!
- The Happiness Project Book
- The Alchemist Book
- Eat, Pray, Love Book
- Living Alone and Loving It Book
- How To Be Happy With Yourself: The Ultimate Guide To Being Happy With Who You Are Book
- Single and Happy – Living Alone Isn’t Being Alone, Finding Happiness from Within Book
We all seek companionship; it is our natural human tendency. But if you are incapable of being alone or being with yourself, how can you be with someone else? If you don’t take the time to discover who you are, how can you ever have a successful and healthy relationship?
“If being with him (her) brings out the best in you and helps you find yourself; then boo, hold on to that because that is true love and worth going to war for.” -Chell Bee