Image Credit: London Scout
So when it comes to my relationship advice and choices in men my mom is a woman of few words. Now don’t get me wrong if she feels strongly about something she is definitely going to let me know. During my younger years, let’s just say I didn’t always have the best taste in men. For a long period of time, it seemed like every man I dated had a problem with being faithful.
I understand that college is the time to experience life, find out who you are, and figure out what you want in life. But if you’re going to do that, then don’t make a commitment to be with someone (especially not me just saying).
So during one of my last big break ups, I was moping around the house, and I asked my mom “Why does this always happen to me, why does every guy I date cheat on me.” She said something so insightful it literally gave me goosebumps “Did you ever stop to think what it was about you that attracted that type of guy?” Now don’t get me wrong it definitely hurt my feelings to think that I was responsible for their infidelity. After all, I didn’t make them cheat on me, so how was I responsible. My actions or lack thereof said their infidelity was ok. I didn’t require them to respect me or the relationship.
But hindsight is 20/20. Like the saying goes, what happens in the darkness always come to light. What you choose to do after your partner’s infidelity is just as important as the act of infidelity. After that conversation with my mother, I quickly discerned who was not worth my time. This was easier than I realized since I knew my way around cheaters I knew what signs to look for and I acted accordingly.
Relationship Advice I Wish I Could Give My Younger Self
People only do what You Allow
In the past I allowed my partners to cheat on me. Every time I took them back I said their actions were forgiven, forgivable, and acceptable. I subliminally gave them the message that I was not worth being faithful to. I had to make the decision that there was going to be a zero tolerance policy for cheating. If you can’t respect the commitment you made to be in a relationship, then your not worth spending time with (no exceptions).
Demand your Worth
In the past, I settled over and over again. Not just with infidelity but overall expectations about courting, proper gifts, and respect. So regardless of your age, the time span of the relationship, or financial status. You have to demand what you are worth at all times. You can not begin a relationship on the wrong foot and expect to backtrack later. From beginning to end, demand that your time and worth be respected. That means taking you on proper dates (not hanging on the couch), contacting you during appropriate times (no late night text or calls), and responding in a timely manner (don’t text or call me back a day later). If they can’t do those things when you meet, then don’t date them.
Solely and Wholly
In the past, I did not understand what a relationship consist of or involved. But being with my husband has truly changed that, relationships are a commitment to be one another partner. Being life partners is not something you can do with multiple people, it takes a lot of time, energy, and effort. Everyone deserves to have a relationship with someone that is just for them, solely and wholly. You deserve someone that is willing to commit to being with you and only you. Please understand that is not a commitment you should go into lightly. But once that commitment is made, it must be respected and preserved at all cost.